I Gave You Power
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dolores umbrage
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Post by I Gave You Power on Oct 22, 2021 10:12:23 GMT -5
This Brian Laundrie shit got me thinking -- there are no shortage of extremely high-profile scummers, lowlives, mountebanks and miscreants from the Sunshine State that go well beyond your garden variety Florida man rollerblading naked through a funeral home or whatever. Let's break down the candidates.
1) George Zimmerman
Florida Man bonafides:
- Killed an unarmed black teenager in cold blood.
- Literally blamed Obama for what he did.
- Numerous domestic violence arrests.
- Gleefully retweeted racists memes about his murder of Trayvon Martin.
- Tried to auction off the gun he used in said shooting.
- Has somehow evaded any sort of legal punishment for any of this.
2) Aileen Wurnos
Florida Man bonafides:
- Caught six bodies.
- Completely and wholly unapologetic about any of said murders.
- Mullet that put Billy Ray Cyrus AND Brian Bosworth to shame.
- Final words were "Thanks a lot, society, for railroading my ass".
3) Brian Laundrie
Florida Man bonafides:
- One of those weirdo #vanlife people.
- Hairline that receded like the storm surge after Katrina.
- Strangled a 20-something woman and left her body in a national park.
- Speculative, but probably died of a gator attack in the central Florida swamps.
4) Casey Anthony
Florida Man bonafides:
- Absolutely, unquestionably murdered her own two-year-old daughter.
- Was constantly seen smiling in court... despite having murdered her own two-year-old daughter.
- The single most isolated pin-point on the crazy/hot matrix.
- Still living in Florida despite, well, you know.
5) Bath salts guy
Florida Man bonafides:
- Ate the face of another human being in broad daylight while high on some drug that nobody really is capable of explaining.
Who you got?
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cthc89
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supertouch superfan
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Post by cthc89 on Oct 22, 2021 10:15:18 GMT -5
I love it when people blame society
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bonerinsweatpants
Pulsating Member
*Break Stuff riff*
Credit Card Churner superfan
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Post by bonerinsweatpants on Oct 22, 2021 10:18:37 GMT -5
it really should be a tie between Zimmerman and Bath Salts Guy.
Casey Anthony doesn't belong on the list bc I wanna fugg her really bad.
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nastyy
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Post by nastyy on Oct 22, 2021 10:21:25 GMT -5
Poster Publix Subs
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chaospouch
Pulsating Member
30 minutes delicate
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Post by chaospouch on Oct 22, 2021 10:21:35 GMT -5
Publix Subs
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Post by Osama Vinladen Jiménez López🎅🎄 on Oct 22, 2021 10:22:39 GMT -5
The man known as Publix subs
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AL
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365 party boy
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Post by AL on Oct 22, 2021 10:27:50 GMT -5
Aileen Wurnos or Bath Salts because they're the least cowardly of the list and a true Florida Man gives zero fucks
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not Worship
Pulsating Member
this is the very last thing i have ever read, gootbye
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Post by not Worship on Oct 22, 2021 10:53:52 GMT -5
George zimmerman is a straight up worthless human and deserves to die
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Post by Osama Vinladen Jiménez López🎅🎄 on Oct 22, 2021 11:01:31 GMT -5
George zimmerman is a straight up worthless human and deserves to die  |
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SchlongConnery
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Post by SchlongConnery on Oct 22, 2021 11:02:21 GMT -5
George zimmerman is a straight up worthless human and deserves to die Put him in front of the Alec Baldwin firing squad. |
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Tstigz
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Hope everyone is doing well and having a nice day
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Post by Tstigz on Oct 22, 2021 11:04:01 GMT -5
Some of these are women haha
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2021 11:04:31 GMT -5
igyp
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Join Date: Jan 1, 1970
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2021 11:10:06 GMT -5
The man known as Publix subs |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2021 11:12:03 GMT -5
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Join Date: Jan 1, 1970
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2021 11:14:01 GMT -5
edit the poll please
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Post by escapedfromthevalley on Oct 22, 2021 11:52:21 GMT -5
I love it when people blame society |
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Percussionist Foster Grant
Pulsating Member
32" inseam??
"My name is Geoff Tate." - Geoff Tate
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Post by Percussionist Foster Grant on Oct 22, 2021 11:53:26 GMT -5
Definitely bath salts guy.
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Post by Gary from juvenile Mom II on Oct 22, 2021 12:00:28 GMT -5
Naked church shitter
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Percussionist Foster Grant
Pulsating Member
32" inseam??
"My name is Geoff Tate." - Geoff Tate
Posts: 38,061
Join Date: Jun 27, 2018
Likes: 64,533
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Post by Percussionist Foster Grant on Oct 22, 2021 12:07:53 GMT -5
It should be noted that bath salts guy was buck ass naked in broad daylight, too. I bet when most of these people did their horrendous deeds they were clothed, or perhaps nude but cloaked in darkness.
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nhf
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Post by nhf on Oct 22, 2021 12:38:42 GMT -5
Genuinely surprised the guy who stole Slapshots banner isn’t on this list
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Post by Osama Vinladen Jiménez López🎅🎄 on Oct 22, 2021 12:56:16 GMT -5
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BIL Security Team Alpha
Pulsating Member
mouth of the south wanted a title so here it is
BIL Security System Threat Level is currently at yellow ("elevated")
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Post by BIL Security Team Alpha on Oct 22, 2021 13:16:58 GMT -5
I’d like to nominate Sara Barnes for burning down the fifth oldest tree in the world while high on meth:  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2021 13:18:25 GMT -5
i'm an island boy
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Post by Gary from juvenile Mom II on Oct 22, 2021 16:44:08 GMT -5
ISLAND BOY IMMA ISLAND BOY |
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meatballmaniac
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sexual camel
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Post by meatballmaniac on Oct 22, 2021 17:31:04 GMT -5
I’d like to nominate Sara Barnes for burning down the fifth oldest tree in the world while high on meth: I’d like to nominate Sara Barnes for Mrs Meatball. |
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theywalkedinline
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the search function actually works for me
one of highest quality (and most accessible) M.A. programs in the country
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Post by theywalkedinline on Oct 22, 2021 17:35:01 GMT -5
Pat O'brien from Cannibal Corpse is my vote.
His meth lab blew up and set off a bunch of ammunition and multiple military grade flame throwers then he broke into his neighbors house and attacked her yelling "the rapture is coming", then he tried to stab a cop.
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BIL Security Team Alpha
Pulsating Member
mouth of the south wanted a title so here it is
BIL Security System Threat Level is currently at yellow ("elevated")
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Post by BIL Security Team Alpha on Oct 22, 2021 18:14:27 GMT -5
I watched a Deicide documentary in high school at the behest of my metalhead friend where I’m pretty sure they brought up how the area the vocalist lived in was where most of the carnies in the USA lived.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2021 18:20:18 GMT -5
The Aileen Wurnos story is very sad
Sure she was a sociopath but in another life she could’ve just been a real estate agent like the rest of em
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ed
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commie mommie
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Post by ed on Oct 22, 2021 18:25:58 GMT -5
I’m writing in this dude:
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FEMA Sniper
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Post by FEMA Sniper on Oct 22, 2021 18:30:47 GMT -5
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