oogracie👻
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Post by oogracie👻 on Jul 25, 2024 9:15:07 GMT -5
16 weeks for the birth-giver is also very generous. We get 12 and I used 4 PTO additional. They give me 6 weeks paid where I don't have to use any of my time. I can take an additional 6 right after or randomly up until the child is 1, but it will use my sick time. I can do it in a clump or a day here and there. Are you planning on taking 12 weeks? Maybe take 10 and keep 2 for doctors appts and shit. What is your childcare plan post maternity leave?
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sarahohio
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Post by sarahohio on Jul 25, 2024 9:26:14 GMT -5
They give me 6 weeks paid where I don't have to use any of my time. I can take an additional 6 right after or randomly up until the child is 1, but it will use my sick time. I can do it in a clump or a day here and there. Are you planning on taking 12 weeks? Maybe take 10 and keep 2 for doctors appts and shit. What is your childcare plan post maternity leave? I was thinking of 8-10. I want to leave some flexibility. When I go back to my normal schedule I am off Monday and Tuesday. Sam has half a day Friday and off on the weekend. So my mom (who is retired) is probably going to cover the 2.5 days we need someone. My sister works from home and says she can come down too on some days and just work from there. She is higher up in her position, so she doesn't have to be glued to her computer.
Maybe part time daycare eventually down the road. Get some good germ sharing going on for that immune system.
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concealer
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Post by concealer on Jul 25, 2024 9:27:44 GMT -5
Yeah my real “getting it” moment was a few hours after she was born. She was a difficult delivery and had to be whisked away to the ICU right away, so she was on wife’s chest for about 1 second immediately after birth so they could work on her and get her alert. So neither of us held her right away. I stayed with my wife while she got stitched up and settled then brought to her room and comfortable.
She insisted I go the two floors down to see the baby even though she couldn’t tolerate sitting in the wheelchair yet. I didn’t want to go without her but she insisted. The nurse in the NICU got her all good and ready so I could hold her, just us two in a quiet mostly dark dark NICU room at like midnight. That was really when it settled in more, and continued to over the next few weeks
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morte
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Post by morte on Jul 25, 2024 9:55:04 GMT -5
My wife got 5 months in a row. I got the first 4 weeks (20 working days), two weeks distributed until the end of here leave ( I think its 10 working days, can't remember), and then after her 5 months I got 1 full month (30 consecutive days). I think this way what we got for our 2nd daughter, for our 1st it was something similar, can't remember.
Then our daughters wen't to day care full time.
I think now in Portugal men have more mandotory days off.
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zwansuperfan69
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Post by zwansuperfan69 on Jul 25, 2024 17:44:21 GMT -5
For the soon-to-be, here are a couple of things I would have done differently/tried to prepare more (tomorrow is 8 weeks for us): 1) food - depending on your level of support, you will not want to cook in the first few weeks. We made a ton ofnsoups and froze them into 2portion jars. We also made frozen sauces and lasanga so that we had some dinners ready, and were stocked up on frozen veggies, fake meats and pastas. If someone asks what you want for a gift, a temporary subscription to one of those meals-in-a-box may not be terrible. 2) sleep seperately so that one of you can get some rest. This took us a while to feel comfortable with but I sleep in a room with our son and take him to my wife when he is ready to breastfeed. I go back to bed and she feeds/changes/puts him back to sleep and brings him to me and she goes back to sleep. She will text me if I should feed him in thr morning so she can sleep or if she wants to be woken up when he is ready. We both get some quiet sleep this way. Breast vs bottle: we have found a mix works best and gives my wife some sense of freedom. We mix between pumped milk and formula. Help: get and use it, where you can. We pay our midwives daughter just to come vacuum and clean the bathroom once a week. We found this video helpful (in german but with subtitles: youtu.be/rtIrIfqDRv0?feature=sharedThank you- this is really, really helpful. I'm actually buying a deep freezer this weekend so we have more room to stock up on food. We're in a spot where ordering delivery isn't an option, so one of those meal in a box subscription may also be the move after a bit-- I'm sure for the first few weeks (months) we'll fall into a cycle of eating the same quick and easy things over and over without realizing it. That video made my eyes sweaty.
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Post by Thin Lizzy Gulag Graduate on Jul 25, 2024 18:02:37 GMT -5
Wife is getting induced the day after tomorrow for daughter #2. We’re simultaneously more relaxed about it because we know the drill but also stressed because we’ll have to navigate managing a newborn and our very active 2 and a half year old. I get 16 weeks off which I’m super grateful for and my older kid has started daycare/pre school so we’ll have some solo time with the baby during the day. Still feels a little surreal and it hasn’t fully hit me yet but I’m excited for my kids to meet each other. Good luck homie
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Dick Warlock
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Post by Dick Warlock on Jul 25, 2024 18:21:11 GMT -5
wife's HCG is up over 2000! personal candid details to follow after 4 miscarriages and 1 failed IVF transfer, we're really hoping this one sticks! only 5 more weeks of givin my wife shots daily. this shit sucks/has sucked
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throwdemgunz
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Post by throwdemgunz on Jul 25, 2024 19:03:12 GMT -5
Our first pregnancy I gave my wife shots twice a day for a blood thinning medication. I wasn’t very good at it and it was kind of a source of contention, this time around she did them and it was way easier. It’s definitely no fun.
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Sorley Boy
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Post by Sorley Boy on Jul 25, 2024 19:13:43 GMT -5
We had to do that too. It sucks, definitely something I think about when considering another kid.
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Mr. Dingle Foot
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Post by Mr. Dingle Foot on Jul 26, 2024 3:10:40 GMT -5
wife's HCG is up over 2000! personal candid details to follow after 4 miscarriages and 1 failed IVF transfer, we're really hoping this one sticks! only 5 more weeks of givin my wife shots daily. this shit sucks/has sucked
The whole Dingle Foot family is pulling for you.
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Dick Warlock
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Post by Dick Warlock on Jul 26, 2024 8:14:46 GMT -5
wife's HCG is up over 2000! personal candid details to follow after 4 miscarriages and 1 failed IVF transfer, we're really hoping this one sticks! only 5 more weeks of givin my wife shots daily. this shit sucks/has sucked
The whole Dingle Foot family is pulling for you.
Thanks homie, that's sweet 😘
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Post by Jon Joseph in a golf cart. on Jul 26, 2024 10:06:37 GMT -5
wife's HCG is up over 2000! personal candid details to follow after 4 miscarriages and 1 failed IVF transfer, we're really hoping this one sticks! only 5 more weeks of givin my wife shots daily. this shit sucks/has sucked We wen't trough numerous miscarriages and a failed ivf before we had our first child. It’s a hard fucking road. Rooting for you and your family!
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BadScene
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Post by BadScene on Jul 26, 2024 11:23:44 GMT -5
My wife works for the federal government, so that meant she got.......... ZERO days. And she works for the VA too, this country can be a fucking travesty sometimes.
She saved up her PTO and took 3 months for our first, and then 4 months for our second. She actually wen't leave without pay for the last week or so.
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oogracie👻
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Post by oogracie👻 on Jul 26, 2024 11:24:20 GMT -5
Yea government employees get fucked SO bad!
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meatballmaniac
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Post by meatballmaniac on Jul 29, 2024 2:05:11 GMT -5
I don’t know what to do for my 10yo son. He’s been spiraling since my divorce and has grown increasingly angry and despondent. He’s openly hostile to my gf and her family. Worse still, he has lost interest in anything other than YouTube, and he will watch Shorts for hours and hours. It’s the most vapid, terrible shit I’ve ever seen. Most of it is AI-generated, and so bizarre I can’t even describe it. He doesn’t even play video games anymore, just YouTube.
He’s also functionally illiterate and I found out the other day that he doesn’t even know the names/order of the months. Because of technology, social alienation, both parents being full-time workers, and all the other ways that modern life prevents us from being humans, I have been unable to give him an enriched life full of varied experiences. And I don’t know how to break him away from the disgusting YouTube algorithm. I know he would fall even deeper into depression and resent me if I took it away completely. Feels bad, man.
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throwdemgunz
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Post by throwdemgunz on Jul 29, 2024 6:28:34 GMT -5
Man that sounds really rough and I’m sorry to hear that he/you are going through that. I know it’s easier said than done but it sounds like you could probably benefit from some outside help.
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throwdemgunz
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Post by throwdemgunz on Jul 29, 2024 6:31:47 GMT -5
Heading home from hospital with baby girl #2 later this morning. Birth was kind of a shitshow and was much more challenging than the first which was a bit of a shock but mom and baby are doing great. My mother in law brought my older daughter to the hospital to meet the baby and it wen't great, so far she’s taking it as well as we could hope. Ready to get home.
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amplifiedohms
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Post by amplifiedohms on Jul 29, 2024 6:32:24 GMT -5
I don’t know what to do for my 10yo son. He’s been spiraling since my divorce and has grown increasingly angry and despondent. He’s openly hostile to my gf and her family. Worse still, he has lost interest in anything other than YouTube, and he will watch Shorts for hours and hours. It’s the most vapid, terrible shit I’ve ever seen. Most of it is AI-generated, and so bizarre I can’t even describe it. He doesn’t even play video games anymore, just YouTube. He’s also functionally illiterate and I found out the other day that he doesn’t even know the names/order of the months. Because of technology, social alienation, both parents being full-time workers, and all the other ways that modern life prevents us from being humans, I have been unable to give him an enriched life full of varied experiences. And I don’t know how to break him away from the disgusting YouTube algorithm. I know he would fall even deeper into depression and resent me if I took it away completely. Feels bad, man. I feel for you MB. My oldest is kind of in the same boat but maybe not as extreme. She'll sleep over at a friend's house and they just sit there watching Tik Tok. We just moved into our new house and haven't switched over the Internet and I'm trying to convince my wife to not tell them when it is hooked up. They're drawing pictures and playing with their toys and shit, I don't want to ruin it, it's literally the happiest I've ever seen them rn.
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sarahohio
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Post by sarahohio on Jul 29, 2024 6:55:54 GMT -5
I don’t know what to do for my 10yo son. He’s been spiraling since my divorce and has grown increasingly angry and despondent. He’s openly hostile to my gf and her family. Worse still, he has lost interest in anything other than YouTube, and he will watch Shorts for hours and hours. It’s the most vapid, terrible shit I’ve ever seen. Most of it is AI-generated, and so bizarre I can’t even describe it. He doesn’t even play video games anymore, just YouTube. He’s also functionally illiterate and I found out the other day that he doesn’t even know the names/order of the months. Because of technology, social alienation, both parents being full-time workers, and all the other ways that modern life prevents us from being humans, I have been unable to give him an enriched life full of varied experiences. And I don’t know how to break him away from the disgusting YouTube algorithm. I know he would fall even deeper into depression and resent me if I took it away completely. Feels bad, man. I had a really hard time with reading, spelling, dates etc when I was young. My mom really pushed for me to get tested for an IEP because the school didn't think I needed it originally. But I was tested and it showed I had an above average IQ but was preforming well below that level, so they put me in some special classes for reading and writing in elementary school. I was able to use a Franklin Speller (probably have something different now ha) and extra time on some tests. You should definitely see if there is any extra programs/tutoring/etc the school can provide. I was embarrassed when i was little being pulled out to go read elsewhere, but thank god they did it.
The other stuff almost seems more complicated. Have you and your ex discussed maybe having him see a therapist? Sometimes it just takes an outside party talking to someone for a person/child to listen or feel heard.
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meatballmaniac
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Post by meatballmaniac on Jul 29, 2024 9:41:22 GMT -5
Congrats on the baby, gunz! Glad to hear everything is well.
My kid has an IEP and gets daily in-class help. He just has no interest in reading or learning, and YouTube is actively making him less curious. He was in therapy for several months following the divorce, but it didn’t seem like he was benefitting, and the therapist didn’t seem to be guiding their conversations towards the divorce-related issues. His mom and I are getting him back into therapy asap.
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sarahohio
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Post by sarahohio on Jul 29, 2024 10:07:26 GMT -5
Congrats on the baby, gunz! Glad to hear everything is well. My kid has an IEP and gets daily in-class help. He just has no interest in reading or learning, and YouTube is actively making him less curious. He was in therapy for several months following the divorce, but it didn’t seem like he was benefitting, and the therapist didn’t seem to be guiding their conversations towards the divorce-related issues. His mom and I are getting him back into therapy asap. Well, it sounds like you guys have really taken a lot of great steps. I hope everything works out for sure!
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I Gave You Power
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Post by I Gave You Power on Jul 29, 2024 10:25:01 GMT -5
My dad yelled at me all the time when I was a kid. I was playing catch with him once when I was real little and I remember him screaming at me frustrated that I wasn’t catching the baseball. Turns out I’m -6 in both eyes aka I’m blind and needed glasses and couldn’t see the ball. I raise my voice sometimes at my 3 year old and I feel like my dad and then I feel like shit for hours. I always apologize to him but god damn sometimes it’s hard to break the cycle. My dad did this for us. His dad (this was in the 50s FWIW but still) used to get hit and yelled at and all manner of shit by his dad. I never met them but his parents sounded like cold, nasty people. He had an incredibly hard childhood and adolescence in general for numerous reasons. Yet he was the warmest, kindest and most supportive father I could have possibly imagined. He’d yell every once in a great while if I was being a total shitbird and genuinely deserved it but otherwise he was so patient with my siblings and I. This has translated into me — one of the least patient people you’ll ever meet — having an abundance of it for my three-year-old. I’ve never yelled at her, never insulted her, never spanked or hit her and even if she’s screaming in my face about not getting dressed for school I’m able to stay completely calm about it and just talk to her. I cannot thank my dad enough for instilling that in me and it hurts every day that he didn’t live long enough to see the parent I would be.
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Mr. Dingle Foot
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Post by Mr. Dingle Foot on Jul 29, 2024 10:34:07 GMT -5
@meatball
I know this wont help but one of the most useful things my mom did for me after the divorce waa buy us a punching bag and a baseball bat and encouraged us to go to town on it, even when we werent angry in the moment. Helped me find "healthy" or targeted ways to deal with my anger over the years. Granted, I still have a temper but this helped me funnel negative energy as a teenager into running/music.
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theonefreeman
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Post by theonefreeman on Jul 29, 2024 11:30:20 GMT -5
I don’t know what to do for my 10yo son. He’s been spiraling since my divorce and has grown increasingly angry and despondent. He’s openly hostile to my gf and her family. Worse still, he has lost interest in anything other than YouTube, and he will watch Shorts for hours and hours. It’s the most vapid, terrible shit I’ve ever seen. Most of it is AI-generated, and so bizarre I can’t even describe it. He doesn’t even play video games anymore, just YouTube. He’s also functionally illiterate and I found out the other day that he doesn’t even know the names/order of the months. Because of technology, social alienation, both parents being full-time workers, and all the other ways that modern life prevents us from being humans, I have been unable to give him an enriched life full of varied experiences. And I don’t know how to break him away from the disgusting YouTube algorithm. I know he would fall even deeper into depression and resent me if I took it away completely. Feels bad, man. My thirteen year old stepson is in a very similar boat. When we finally got our own place, I put a hard ban on YouTube and he has since lost access to tablets, computers and even his phone since then due to constantly being an asshole (he lost his phone about a month ago when we received a video recording of him from a random number calling someone the n-word and calling someone else a chink on a phone call.) He has been the single largest source of stress in my life for eight years now and after doing everything I can do for him from putting him in therapy on my own dime to being the only person in his life who holds him accountable for anything, I finally gave up after that last incident. I've been in a total fuck it and fuck him mode since then. Back to the original point, I think having a tablet shoved in his face right away when he was young played a big role in sealing his fate. He has serious ADHD and ODD issues. I have no answers or suggestions for what to do once things are already bad because I've tried everything myself and nothing has lead to long-term improvements. Sorry, meatball. I feel for you. For everyone else, let this kind of shit serve as a warning.
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oogracie👻
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Post by oogracie👻 on Jul 29, 2024 11:51:13 GMT -5
Im glad mine are 2 and 4 so we can be really cautious about the screen time but its terrifying.
They don’t have tablets or anything but watch an hour of TV in mornings and 2 at night. On the weekends it’s like… we’ve gone to Disneyland, watched Moana 6 times, going to every park within a 10 miles radius and I look at the clock and its 11am… i don’t know what people do haha.
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Post by Jon Joseph in a golf cart. on Jul 29, 2024 12:16:23 GMT -5
I don’t know what to do for my 10yo son. He’s been spiraling since my divorce and has grown increasingly angry and despondent. He’s openly hostile to my gf and her family. Worse still, he has lost interest in anything other than YouTube, and he will watch Shorts for hours and hours. It’s the most vapid, terrible shit I’ve ever seen. Most of it is AI-generated, and so bizarre I can’t even describe it. He doesn’t even play video games anymore, just YouTube. He’s also functionally illiterate and I found out the other day that he doesn’t even know the names/order of the months. Because of technology, social alienation, both parents being full-time workers, and all the other ways that modern life prevents us from being humans, I have been unable to give him an enriched life full of varied experiences. And I don’t know how to break him away from the disgusting YouTube algorithm. I know he would fall even deeper into depression and resent me if I took it away completely. Feels bad, man. Sounds incredibly rough for everyone involved! Is it possible for you and his mom to talk to him together about the divorce and how he’s coping (or not coping) with it and let him express how he’s feeling about it? And I get that it might be incredibly hard and something that’s gonna take more than one conversation. But it could be worth a shot. Granted it’s not something you already tried? Also does your ex have the same problems when he’s with her?
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coconut al
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Post by coconut al on Jul 29, 2024 12:21:17 GMT -5
I don’t know what to do for my 10yo son. He’s been spiraling since my divorce and has grown increasingly angry and despondent. He’s openly hostile to my gf and her family. Worse still, he has lost interest in anything other than YouTube, and he will watch Shorts for hours and hours. It’s the most vapid, terrible shit I’ve ever seen. Most of it is AI-generated, and so bizarre I can’t even describe it. He doesn’t even play video games anymore, just YouTube. He’s also functionally illiterate and I found out the other day that he doesn’t even know the names/order of the months. Because of technology, social alienation, both parents being full-time workers, and all the other ways that modern life prevents us from being humans, I have been unable to give him an enriched life full of varied experiences. And I don’t know how to break him away from the disgusting YouTube algorithm. I know he would fall even deeper into depression and resent me if I took it away completely. Feels bad, man. enroll him in martial arts and tell him he can have his stuff back as soon as he can beat your ass
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Sorley Boy
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Post by Sorley Boy on Jul 29, 2024 14:34:45 GMT -5
It seems like even if you can get screen time under control at home, public schools use tablets and computers for hours every day. I feel like there's no escape from this stupid shit and I'm glad I wen't to a Catholic school where the head nun dug in on computers being a "fad."
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bendtheknee
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Post by bendtheknee on Jul 29, 2024 15:53:55 GMT -5
I don’t know what to do for my 10yo son. He’s been spiraling since my divorce and has grown increasingly angry and despondent. He’s openly hostile to my gf and her family. Worse still, he has lost interest in anything other than YouTube, and he will watch Shorts for hours and hours. It’s the most vapid, terrible shit I’ve ever seen. Most of it is AI-generated, and so bizarre I can’t even describe it. He doesn’t even play video games anymore, just YouTube. He’s also functionally illiterate and I found out the other day that he doesn’t even know the names/order of the months. Because of technology, social alienation, both parents being full-time workers, and all the other ways that modern life prevents us from being humans, I have been unable to give him an enriched life full of varied experiences. And I don’t know how to break him away from the disgusting YouTube algorithm. I know he would fall even deeper into depression and resent me if I took it away completely. Feels bad, man. Seek therapy friend, for you and your son. They'll have the best guidance on how to proceed, but you're gonna have to be the bad guy and severely limit his access to YT. He'll temporarily hate you, but it's for his own good. You'd only be trying to keep your child healthy, so don't knock yourself for trying to do that. It's the right thing to do. Or let him continue using YT, but he can only watch farting preacher videos.
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meatballmaniac
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Post by meatballmaniac on Jul 29, 2024 16:11:25 GMT -5
It seems like even if you can get screen time under control at home, public schools use tablets and computers for hours every day. I feel like there's no escape from this stupid shit and I'm glad I wen't to a Catholic school where the head nun dug in on computers being a "fad." Ain’t no fuckin’ way I will be convinced that tablets and bullshit like that facilitate learning on par with books and pen and paper. I don’t have data in front of me but I’m sure it exists. Narc probably doesn’t read this thread, but if he did he’d probably say that we’re living in a time of unmatched prosperity and safety, and that people said the same shit about tv back in the 40s and everyone turned out fine. I would argue that the generation raised on tv in fact *didn’t* turn out fine, and that TikTok and social media are magnitudes worse for the human psyche and society.
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